Merry Christmas! Pass it on....

This year our youngest son and daughter made Christmas cards for everyone in the family…or so we thought.

Here is what we found out:

“I am making cards for everyone for Christmas” is not the same as “I am going to make everyone a card for Christmas”.

On Christmas Eve we all gathered around for the gift exchange. Our son who “made cards for everyone” had a huge stack of handmade cards to pass out. Our daughter who “made everyone a card” had one card that she handed to our oldest son and told him to read it and pass it on.

So in the true Christmas Spirit - Merry Christmas! Pass it on….

I’m On a Donkey

You can’t choose your name, at least not when you are little. You get the name your parents give you and live with it until you are old enough to change it or insist people call you by an alternative name.

My maiden name is fairly plain, easy to pronounce and spell. My married name is…well…it is different and not easy to pronounce or spell. Everyone pronounces it wrong and this is quite humorous at times.

Our youngest had her first piano recital this weekend. In preparation for her recital she was practicing walking in and introducing herself. She has a beautiful first name that everyone tends to shorten. I hadn’t really thought about it before but her shortened first name and her last name together sounds like….you got it…. “On a Donkey”.

So we decided that she needed to use her whole first name so everyone in the audience wouldn’t have a confused look on their face thinking “Did she just say, ‘Hi, I’m on a donkey and I will be playing Ode to Joy’!?”

Little Miss looked gorgeous and played beautifully. She was nervous, but made no mistakes. It is amazing how quickly she has learned to play the piano.

We couldn’t be more proud of our Onadonkey.

God Bless the Certified Bra Fitter!

Yesterday I went bra shopping. This ranks up there with shopping for jeans, a bathing suit, having a root canal and your yearly trip to the gyno. All emotionally painful, but something women have to endure.

I have friends of all shapes and sizes and every single one of them from the sveltely to the most curvaceous will agree that finding clothes that fit is hard to do!

First off, what is with the shirt sizes? Every year the shirts get smaller and lower cut. Why can’t they make shirts that are stylish yet fit someone bigger than a size 4 and smaller than a size 20? I always feel that I have to choose between wearing something that shows “the girls” or something that resembles a tent.

Which brings me to “the girls” and bra shopping…God bless the certified bra fitter. I mean seriously, what did women do before we had an expert tell us exactly what size bra we truly needed? I know plenty of men who would like this job, but women do this job and all I have to say is God Bless You.

Bra fitters are like nurses; but instead of a stethoscope around their neck they have a tape measure. While the nurse waits outside the examining room for you to undress, the bra fitter hovers outside your dressing room door waiting for you to dress.

All modesty is thrown aside as they evaluate cup size, cup shape and if the band is the right size or if there is gapping. They take their job seriously and they are good at what they do.

With the help of the Certified Bra Fitter I found a bra that I loved!

Gas to and from the mall…….$5
Price of 2 bras…..$160
Comfort…….Priceless

So Lovely!

Out of respect for my husband I will adhere to the “no pictures of our family on my blog” rule. The thing is, I know all of you readers who have never met me in person “really” want to see the face behind the keyboard.

Who is this outrageous woman? What does she look like? Thanks to my artsy 11 year old son everyone can see me without the use of modern photography.


I love the hair and if I had to interpret the large head I would say that he thinks I am a genius! LOL!

I know that when my daughter was younger she always drew me with huge hands. My friend who is a psychologist (Hey Allie) interpreted it as meaning that my daughter thought I was helpful. Awwwww….

So I am interpreting my large head as being a genius and my ginormous chin as a sign that I am funny, just like Jay Leno.

I love this picture and I love his artwork. He is amazing!

When did I get so old?

Getting old for me just happened overnight. I have aching joints, I can’t walk completely upright in the morning, I had to get glasses last year, and the other day I swear I almost yelled at some kids to “get off my lawn!”.

Yesterday at the grocery store I went through the self check with a bottle of wine. When I scanned the wine the screen came up with “ID verification needed”. I just turned to the kid who was working the machine and pointed to my face. He laughed and cleared it. I can’t remember when I stopped getting carded, but I know I was still getting carded in my 30’s. Now I just have to point to my face. (Sigh)

Whoever said that 40 is the new 20 doesn’t live in my tired body.

Ah, to be young again!

What the Farouk!??!

You hear all the horror stories of women catching their husbands trying on their lingerie or experimenting with their make up. I have always thought that it would be a deal breaker if I ever caught my husband with anything "girly" of mine.

Lately I have found my Farouk Chi flat iron on the bathroom counter and I knew that I didn’t leave it there. The first time I found it out I thought I was losing my mind and that I had used it but forgot. The next time I found it out it was warm. Aha – evidence! I had just gotten out of bed and hubby had just left for work so now I knew that he was the culprit!

Go back 2 months to a day where darling husband was late for a meeting and was at level 9.5 on the freak out meter. He was running late and when he put on his shirt it had a crease on the collar. He was mumbling about not having time to get the iron board out, set it up, wait for the iron to heat, etc. Resourceful person that I am, I told him to take off his shirt and trust me! I ran to the bathroom, plugged in my faithful Farouk Chi flat iron and flat ironed his collar. It looked great and only took a few seconds.

I guess my husband was so impressed with my flat iron that he uses it regularly to iron his collars and sometimes when he is in a hurry and it hasn’t cooled down enough he leaves it on the counter. See I am not losing my mind and since he is using the flat iron on his shirt and not his hair I guess I will keep him!

It's My Birthday Too!

Augustus is one year old today! I didn’t realize how much we needed a dog to make our home complete. Gus is such a sweet, goofy dog, we just love him!

So Happy Birthday Augustus, Gus, Gussie, Goose, Gooserman, Gussy-Goo!

They Say It's Your Birthday!

What does my darling husband, my best friend and Michael Jackson all have in common? Yesterday was their birthday!

Happy Belated Birthday Michael, Robyn and Michael Jackson Hee-Hee! Ooh! Go On Girl!

Quote of the Day

You can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make butt prints in the sands of time?

Living in the Land of Blondes

Let’s face it; there are NOT that many natural blonde adults. Want some proof? Think about how many blonde 30 – 50 year old men that you know. Not that many I am sure. The only one who comes to my mind is my brother in law who lives on a tropical island and has year round sun exposure to keep his blonde hair light. Men don’t tend to color their hair so that is how we know most blonde children are not blonde adults.

Well I am not a blonde anymore. I always hate when my hair gets too blonde so last night my friend dyed it very dark brown and then put a few highlights in it. I am not sure if I like the color or not, but I do like not being blonde anymore.

Last time I colored my hair darker everyone gave me a hard time so I went back to blonde. This time I will not give in to peer pressure and plan to stay dark for quite some time.

I am ready for all of the remarks and comments about my hair color. I am prepared to withstand your judgment and hold true to my natural-ish hair color.

I will not bleach, I will not bleach, I will not bleach…

Like a Fat Farrah Fawcett on Crack

This morning I woke up and looked in the mirror and thought “I look like a fat Farrah Fawcett on crack”. Not the overly plastic Farrah Fawcett of today or the incredibly hot Farrah Fawcett from Charlie’s Angels, just what she might look like if she were...well overweight and on crack.

I am not sure why this came to mind.

I did have bed head and my hair was way out there and had that 80’s “winged” look. Also, I was exhausted and hadn’t really woken up yet so I looked a bit like a crack-head or what I would think a crack-head would look like.

Maybe it is because I have been having these whacked out dreams lately and last night I watched Things We Lost in the Fire and was thinking about Benicio Del Toro’s character. Either way, this is the first thing that came to mind when I looked in the mirror this morning.

I guess I need to get more sleep and a current hairstyle.

Twilight Series

I love this series of books! I am not sure what makes them so enjoyable or addicting, but I read all three in less than 2 weeks! Our 23 year old DS recommended them to me and I have been reading them and passing them on to our 16 year old DS. He says they are like a drug and we are all addicts. We have no idea what makes them so appealing, but they are and we can’t get enough!

This is not the typical genre I read – teens, vampires? The author is a brilliant storyteller and the characters are intriguing. What’s not to love about Edward or Jacob Black?

Is this the best book I have ever read? No. It does however lure you in and leave you wanting more!

If you want to know where I will be on August 2nd, you will find me at the closest bookstore buying Breaking Dawn, the 4th book in the Twilight Series.

Always Look on the Brightside of Life

Wednesday night we saw the play Spamelot and while I didn’t get all of the Monty Python jokes, I loved the song “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life". It stuck with me and I have been singing it in my head ever since. It is my new personal theme song.

Yesterday was my birthday and in keeping with my theme song I decided that no matter what I was going to look on the bright side of life.

Here’s what happened:

Hubby was called out of town at the last minute and missed the play and my birthday.

“Always look on the bright side of life”

Roofers who were to replace roof NEXT week showed up yesterday morning. Yay! Banging all day long! (Get your mind out of the gutters)

“Always look on the bright side of life”

Since we needed to stay close to home the children and I decide to walk the mall and go out to lunch.

“Always look on the bright side of life”

Upon our arrival at the mall we find an armadillo in the road. Animal lover that I am I herded this Texas Treasure into a nearby field. I found out that not everyone going to the mall appreciated this heroic act of mine. Hey lady in the white SUV? Bite me!

“Always look on the bright side of life”

The mall was pretty uneventful except for the fact that every time we pass a kiosk the salesperson wants to straighten my hair or curl my hair or put my hair up or sell me fake hair. Then there is the Dead Sea Kiosks every few yards wanting to buff my nails or take years off my hands. Hello?!? It is my birthday; leave me, my hair and my aging skin alone! Don’t you know I am trying to look on the bright side of life?

After the mall we go out to Cici’s for my birthday lunch. The funny thing is I don’t particularly like Cici’s so this obviously wasn’t my birthday lunch. I wasn’t going to complain because damnit I am going to have a GREAT birthday and I am trying to look on the bright side of life!

After lunch we head home and when we arrive there was a truck from the tree company getting ready to go all “George Washington” on the humongous tree in the front yard. With all of the storms we had lately we had damage to our cars, our roof and our front tree. Last week they cut down this huge limb that broke and at the time I told them we wanted to do everything to save our tree. Someone accidentally put us on the schedule for tree removal.

So here is the bright side:

If the roofers didn’t come yesterday we would have gone to the lake and come home to a missing tree.

If we would have eaten at a place I like instead of Cici’s it would have taken longer and we would have come home to a missing tree.

“Always look on the bright side of life”

The day ended with my oldest son’s girlfriend coming over and making gifts for me with the younger children. She bought canvas bags and she and the children painted some Earth Bags for me. It was so thoughtful of her and they did a great job! My ds made one that said “Make the World a Better Place” and my dd made one that had a peace sign that she said looked like a pretzel. On her bag she wrote “peas and pretzels.” (grin)

All in all my birthday was pretty bright!

“Always look on the bright side of life”

Oh Happy Day!

Sweet Ride

Yesterday my darling husband bought me this Sweet Ride! I call it my old lady, big butt bike -- I *love* it! Besides being cushy for my tushy, the seat has suspension so when I go over bumps or off rode it doesn’t feel like a trip to the gyno….I am just saying.

Tonight I took her out for a spin! The whole time I was wondering if I could get streamers for the handle bars, a bell and maybe a basket for the front.

I couldn’t help but notice that people were looking at me as I sped by. I would like to think that it was my Sweet Ride, but it may be the outdated helmet I was wearing. I have a huge head and putting a helmet on top of it makes it look that much bigger. It is reminiscent of Rick Moranis in Spaceballs.


I suppose I will get a new helmet this week. For now I will just imagine that everyone is looking at me and my Sweet Ride just wishing they were that free!

Someone Poodled my Doodle....

....which I guess is better than doodling someone's poodle! LOL!

Augustus had his first haircut. There is no standard trim for a doodle so the groomer did a teddy bear cut and left him a bit shaggy. We think he looks cute, but not so much like a Muppet anymore. He had way too much hair and since he doesn't shed he needed a trim to get rid of his puppy coat.

He seems to like it!

Viva Las Nasty...

This past week DH and I went away for a few days. We really need to do this more often, but life gets in the way.

Two years ago we went away for a week to New York City and loved it! This year we decided to go to Vegas. We both love playing poker so Vegas just seemed like the obvious choice.

I realize that it is called “Sin City” for a reason and have heard the term “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” but didn’t really understand the extent of immorality that exists there.

I have never been modest or prude and consider myself to be quite free spirited, but Vegas was a bit much for me! Everywhere you look there is nudity. When you walk down the street there are guys who wear t-shirts that say “Girls Direct to You” and hand out flyers and business cards with naked women and girl on girl pictures. I knew that prostitution was legal there, but didn’t realize that there would be guys on the street handing out flyers for it! These guys or as we call them “card flickers” are so creepy. As you walk by they flick the cards at you and try to get you to take one. Unfortunately these cards are strewn all over the sidewalks.

The worst thing was people were actually there with their children. What were they thinking? There is nudity everywhere and large screens with women pole dancing and stripping, not to mention the cards that were littering the sidewalk every couple of feet. I watched as a young boy walking with his mother was just mesmerized by these cards. It was sad to me that at such a young age he was seeing all of this!

We played poker in several card rooms, but it seems like what we did most is just WALK. The thing is, Vegas itself could be fun if they would clean it up a bit.

We saw Ka - Cirque du Soleil and it was amazing! What an awesome experience! On the last night there we decided that we had played enough poker and went to the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Jason Segel of How I Met Your Mother wrote and starred in this movie. It was *very* funny although now it will be a little weird watching How I Met Your Mother now that I have seen Marshall’s “junk”.

New York City was a blast, Vegas was a bust. I did *love* spending time with my hunk of a husband and realize we need to do this more often. He is so fun to be around and always makes me laugh! While I didn't like Vegas, the time with DH was great!

Movies that make you laugh and cry...

Last Friday I went to see Run, Fat Boy, Run with my 16 year old DS and my mother. What a funny movie! It is a British comedy written by Simon Pegg who starred in Shawn of the Dead and Hotfuzz and was directed by David Schwimmer of Friends.

This movie received mixed reviews from critics, but the audiences seem to love it and we really enjoyed it! At one part I laughed so hard I cried. I love British humor and this movie ranks up there with Waking Ned Divine and The Full Monty.

Yesterday I was especially happy to get the mail because a movie that I have long wanted to see had arrived! The Kite Runner is one of my favorite books and the movie did not disappoint. We stayed up late to finish it and DH and DS both thought it was a great story. It wasn’t as violent as the book, although I think that was a smart move by the screenwriter. The story is more about the relationship between the characters than the brutality of the Taliban. This is one of the best movies I have seen in a long time.

Both movies are great, it just depends on your mood!

Prairie A**holes

Hormonal speaking I am a train wreck. I had a hysterectomy way too young and this has totally screwed up my body. I am overweight and am constantly low on estrogen and have all of the side effects that come along with having low estrogen.

Being low on estrogen means that I am not very “girly” or emotional and tend to think things through analytically….like a man. I don’t have PMS and don’t have highs and lows. I stay pretty much the same throughout the month and I feel that this can be a good thing. My husband and children are spoiled having never experienced the ups and downs of PMS.

I haven’t been feeling well these past few months and in November found out that my estrogen levels are EXTREMELY low. My “hormone guru” upped my dose and sent me on my way. Last month I still wasn’t feeling good so I popped in for a blood draw and lo and behold I am lower now than I was in November. My “hormone guru” concluded that my body is just not absorbing oral estrogen so he switched me to estrogen trits. A trit is a tiny lozenge that goes between your cheek and gum and is absorbed straight into your body without having to pass any organs. I had to wait 3 days to have these compounded and another day for them to ship, all the time just praying that they worked.

Did I mention I am rarely emotional?

The only time I am emotional is when I am sick. I call these my Prairie A**hole Days. Why? Because I cry for no reason and realize that my day is like one long Little House on the Prairie episode where the townspeople are cruel to someone who is nice, but misunderstood. Like the wolf boy, or the fat lady from the circus or Simon the little boy who stutters. Why do they have to be so mean to these people?!?!? Stupid Prairie A**holes!

The last few days since starting my “trits” I am having Prairie A**hole Days. The other morning I woke up crying and told my husband that I think my new estrogen is working. He just hugged me and said, “You know, I think it is.” What a sweet, sweet man. Let’s see if he is sweet when I am ripping him a new one instead of sheepishly crying in bed.

So there you have it, my new estrogen is working and I am a girly mess. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

Now I have to decide if I want to wait it out and see if my emotions stabilize or stop the trits completely and have all of the side effects of low estrogen. I don’t like feeling so sad or being so emotional. I don’t know if I should be mad that I had a hysterectomy all those years ago or thankful that I was spared 16 years of Prairie A**hole Days!

Gravity can be your friend!

I have been working hard to keep my resolution to get into shape. I have been using the treadmill, walking with the family, renting a variety of exercise videos from the library and most recently I started a Gravity Class.

I absolutely love Gravity Class. It is a full body workout that not only works muscles you didn’t know you had, but also helps strengthen your core. After four classes I can feel myself getting stronger and more toned.

The best part is that I am doing it with my mom and my friends. I am getting girl time AND a firmer body.

What more could I ask for?

Augustus McDoodle, of the Texas McDoodles

Our pup is almost 6 months old. He is so sweet and just looking at him makes me smile. Maybe it is because he looks like a Muppet or maybe it is because he is so babyish.

Augustus is a bit mischievous and LOVES to be with the children. He will do just about anything to be with any of our children, especially our little girl. The other day I found out just how far he will go! He actually climbed the ladder to get into the fort with the kids. There is nothing like looking out the window to see your big goofy dog dangling his rear end 6 feet off the ground!

We recently figured out that Augustus is hearing impaired. He is not completely deaf and we are not sure the extent of his hearing but we are training him as if he were completely deaf. In retrospect he gave us all of these signs that he was hearing impaired, he was just so easy to train and learned things so quickly that we didn’t pick up on them!

Here are some ways to tell your dog is deaf:

If you call your dog and he doesn’t respond, he may be deaf. (duh!)

If your dog is happy to *see* you, but not happy when you call his name, he may be deaf.

If your dog is real laid back and doesn’t react to…I don’t know…LOUD noises, he may be deaf.

If your dog sits on your feet, he may be deaf.

If your dog positions himself in the corner of room while sleeping, unless he is of course sitting on your feet or right next to you, he may be deaf.

If your dog cups his ear with his paw and says “huh?” he may be deaf. (If only!)

I have always considered myself to be pretty quick, but Augustus sure did fool me! He is extremely smart and is good at reading body language. DH and one DS are both hearing impaired so Gus fits right in! He is home!

….but Techno Geeks Rock!

Yesterday I may have been a little harsh about my DH and the Techno Geek community in general.

I admit it! I know absolutely nothing about technology! In a previous post I talked about how my hubby’s brain total disconnects when I start talking about girly things and he is thinking “nachos, nachos, nachos”. I am the same way when he starts talking about technology the only difference is I am thinking “yarn, yarn, yarn”.

I feel I can’t rant without some rave so here are some reasons MY Techno Geek Rocks!

• Without him I would still be wondering what this whole “internet” thing is that everyone keeps talking about!
• I have 24 hour computer tech support and don’t have to wait on hold.
• I have *never* had to program a VCR.
• Although he is a Techno Geek I have never had to watch ONE episode of Star Trek!
• Without him I would be watching TV on a *normal* size screen instead of the ginormous one we have. I will admit I thought it was an eyesore when I first saw it, but now I am used to it and love it!
• He loves to play video games with the kids and never asks me to play.
• He taught me how to play poker and I *love* it!
• He remembers Algebra, Geometry, and Calculus and …."yarn, yarn, yarn”

All joking aside, he is a great husband, father and my best friend. He is the *best* and I am truly blessed!

Technology stinks!

So my hubby is quite the techo-geek. He loves his TV and gadgets as much as I love my yarn! The difference is he doesn’t want to use my yarn and I want to use his TV.

I just don’t understand men! I like to watch TV and I don’t care how big the TV is, if it is in high def, if it has surround sound and I don’t even know what a blue ray is! If I record something for us to watch DH will say things like “You know they have this channel in high def…why didn’t you record it in high def?” Like the show just isn’t worth watching since it wasn’t recorded in high def.

Recently DH bought a media center. For those of you who don’t know what a media center is just save me some time and google it yourself! All I know is that it cost a lot of money but DH says that over time it will pay for itself and it is so cool! Just look at all of the stuff it can do…you are going to love it…blah, blah, blah.

Every time my husband gets a new TV or something to do with the TV none of us can work it. This past weekend DH was gone and we wanted to watch a DVD. I went to put the DVD in the player and guess what? Our DVD player was gone! I guess the *media center* has a built in DVD player. We finally figured out where the DVD goes in the *media center*, but we couldn’t figure out how to make it play.

There is nothing like getting yourself all psyched up about watching Anne of Green Gables…the sequel, sitting down with your knitting and getting all comfy to realize that you can’t watch this wonderful piece of cinema magic because you can’t get the DVD to play!

Why are men so into technology? I just don’t get it! I think I am pretty bright, but I honestly couldn’t tell you if a show was in high def or had surround sound - I wouldn’t know and honestly I just don’t care!

Men! Can't live with 'em, can't work the TV without 'em!

A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier

This is a beautifully written memoir about a very disturbing subject. Ishmael Beah was a child soldier in the civil conflict in Sierra Leone in the 90’s. He was orphaned at the age of 12 and then forced to be a soldier at the age of 13. He fought for 3 years before he was removed from the army by UNICEF and placed in a rehabilitation home. He eventually fled Sierra Leone and moved to New York City where he still lives today.

My new friends have begun to suspect I haven’t told them the full story of my life.
“Why did you leave Sierra Leone?”
“Because there is a war.”
“You mean, you saw people running around with guns and shooting each other?”
“Yes, all the time.”
“Cool.”I smile a little.
“You should tell us about it sometime.”
“Yes, sometime.”

My 16 year old DS read this book the week before I did and he really liked it. I feel that all teens would benefit from reading this book.

Although Ishmael's story was heartbreaking , it was a pleasure to have this book be one of my 2008 reads. (two down, ten to go)

Take More Pictures!

This year I plan to take more pictures of my children. It seems the more children I have the fewer pictures I take of them! I have tons of pictures of my first child and by the time #4 came along I am lucky to have one on her birthday and Christmas. I am so busy playing with them that taking pictures is not a priority, but this year it is going to be!

Here you go! Psych! Did you really think I was going to post a picture of my children on the internet? This is Augustus McDoodle our Goldendoodle pup. Isn’t he a dream? Gotta love those eyelashes!

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

I had to force myself to finish this book. I am not sure what all of the hype is about as it was a bit boring for me. It started out okay...but then dragged.

The subject matter didn’t bother me, what bothered me is that the author didn’t even get to the subject matter until the last 3rd of the book. I just kept reading thinking it was going to get better and it didn’t.

With so many great books out there I can’t in good conscience recommend this book to anyone.

All I can say is 1 down 11 to go!

Abelincolnaphobia

I will be the first to admit that I am a bit of a freak! I am quite adventurous and will do almost anything, but I have these odd little fears.

First of all I am terrified of frogs and toads. I am a bit scared of lizards, but not as much as frogs and toads. I guess this is a common fear as there is actually a name for it!

Ranidaphobia- Fear of frogs.

Bufonophobia- Fear of toads.

Which bring up my other phobia - Abelincolnaphobia. What is this you ask? Well it is the fear of being shot in a theater. Every time I go to the movies I get a bit anxious. I have this fear that someone is going to shoot me. Stop laughing! It is true and I am sure I am not the *only* person in the world with this fear. I googled it and nothing came up, but I am sure that someone else out there has this same phobia they just don’t call it what I do, right? I mean, it is a perfectly legitimate fear…not at all weird or paranoid. I mean it *could* happen!

So what makes something an actual “phobia” versus just natural fear? Looking at a list of phobias I see several things that I don’t think about on a regular basis, but they do kind of scare the bejeebers out of me! I mean seriously who doesn’t have Helminthophobia- the fear of being infested with worms? If I told you that you *could* be worm infested wouldn’t it scare the #$%^ out of you? What about Leprophobia or Lepraphobia - fear of leprosy? Yeah, I kind of like to keep *all* of my appendages, it would kind of suck to be a leper so add that to my list of phobias!

One of my favorites is Geniophobia- fear of chins. I mean what does this mean exactly? Are these people afraid of all chins, their own chins, other people’s chins, double chins, the mobster cliché “Jimmy the Chin”? Are they scared when they see them or just touching them? Are they concerned that someone is out to take their chin?

I found a very comprehensive list of all phobias at www.phobialist.com. Check it out and see what gives you the heebeejeebees!

Adventures in waxing…aka My God, My God, what was I thinking?!?!

Lately I have been paranoid about what I call my miss-stache, so I decided to have it waxed. I don’t really have much of one and I usually bleach what I do have, but I thought what the heck – let’s wax it! What could it hurt? Well let me tell you it is a pain like no other! It brought tears to my eyes and expletives were spewing from my mouth!

On the way home from the salon I noticed that I had blistery looking bumps on the part of my face where my miss-stache used to be and I panicked! You see I was supposed to go play poker with my darling husband and I couldn’t go to a place as classy as a casino with boils on my face.

I called my good friend who gets her miss-stache waxed on a regular basis to ask her what to do! I knew that she would have just the answer! She told me that I needed to wear something to cover up the bumps. Brilliant idea! Maybe I could wear a pair of those glasses with the attached moustache just like Mr. Potato Head! *That* wouldn’t stand out!

I opted for ice and a prayer and it worked!

Why do women have to put themselves through all of this? Why is it acceptable for men to have hair all over their body while women have to wax, shave and pluck?

Why oh why did Eve have to eat that apple?

Liar, Liar, Pants for Hire!!

So I am sitting here on my computer looking up the best way to clean a glass shower and wondering if you can use Rain X on your shower while listening to my 8 year old DD and 10 year old DS play Nintendo. They are bantering back and forth and my DS said “Liar, liar pants on fire!” to which DD said that’s not it! It is “Liar, liar pants for hire!”

This got me to thinking of the funniest things my kids have ever said and I think that hands down the funniest was when my now 16 year old DS was very young he would say *anything* to anyone. He wasn’t mean, just brutally honest. One of DH coworkers was coming over and was a rather stout man, we just new that DS was going to say *something* to him.

This is how it went:

Me: We are going to have some people over for dinner and one of the men is rather large.
DS. Okay…
Me: Well you know God made people in all shapes and sizes and it is not nice to tell people if they are big or little.
DS: Okay...
Me: So what I am trying to say is please don’t tell Mr. X that he is large.
DS: So I shouldn’t tell him he is fat?
Me: No, that wouldn’t be nice.
DS: Would it be nicer to NOT tell him and let him get stuck in the front door?
Me: (sigh)

The day Mr. X came over….

We thought we did a good job relaying to DS that it would not be nice to tell Mr. X that he was fat. Mr. X arrived, fit through the door and all was well until I heard this little voice say...

“So… how much can you eat at one time?”


(sigh)

Meth Mouth, Dog Pajamas and Chewbacca, Oh My!

Last night was the Halfknits monthly meeting. We meet at least once a month to knit, crochet, eat chocolate and laugh! I always look forward to being with my friends and having a good time. The only thing missing last night was the chocolate! Some of us gave up sweets for a little while…we will see how long that last!

When we get together the topic of conversation is quite random, sometimes very shocking and always extremely funny! I don’t know if we are blowing off steam, have knitters high or what, but we always have such a good time together!

I truly believe all women need to have “girl time”. We women share something that men can never truly understand. We like to talk, we like to be heard and most importantly we like to be understood. I am not saying that men never understand your needs, but seriously when you try to talk to your hubby about those extra pounds you put on or why you don’t like your current hair style you can practically see his brain totally disconnect and you know he is sitting there thinking “nachos, nachos, nachos”.

Let’s face it! Guys don’t really care if their buttock is bigger than last year. They don’t sit around with their friends and coworkers and discuss things like cellulite.

Has Oprah *ever* done a show on how men can find a pair of jeans to fit their body shape? No! That’s because men don't have child bearing hips and can go to any store on any corner and find a pair of jeans that fit.

This is one of the many ways men and women differ. There are just some things men don’t understand!

All you girls…you can scoot down a little further, a little bit further, a little bit further…now relax it will only take a minute.

Once

Last night dh and I watched the movie Once. It was highly recommended by my brother and it did not disappoint. It was an Irish Indie Musical filmed in Dublin in 17 days with a $160,000 budget. Most of the film is singing with very little dialogue, but it works! The characters are not bursting into song as they walk down the street or standing at the top of a hill in Austria. There is no singing in place of dialogue.

The main characters were not given names, but listed in the credits as “Guy” and “Girl”. “Guy” is played by Glen Hansard, a vocalist and guitarist for the Irish band The Frames. He wrote and performed most of the songs in the movie along with Marketa Irglova who played “Girl”. The singing is phenomenal as was the movie.

All I can say is WOW! Glen Hansard is an excellent artist and I will be buying the soundtrack today!

Read More Books!

I believe that my love of reading came from my grandmother who passed it on to my mother and to me. I can still picture my grandma sitting in her chair totally engrossed in a book. She was such a cute little woman and had this big chair that she would turn sideways in so she could rest her legs on one arm. She did this into her 80s and it was always so cute to see her in this position. She must have sat like this as a teenager.

After reading a book she would give it to me with a small note written in the front cover. It would say “read this” or “good book” something simple and to the point. She passed away a few years ago and in my cedar chest I have one of her jackets and a book that she passed on to me that says “Kat read this book!” I can’t tell you the name of the book, but I can tell you that those words written by her are so special to me.

This year I am going to read more books! I learned to knit and crochet 4 years ago and this really cuts into my reading time. That and the fact that I am out of shape and so tired that when my head hits the pillow at night I can’t stay awake long enough to read a page. (See previous resolution about getting into shape) I read a lot of books throughout the day with the children, but this year I plan on reading at least 12 books that are just for me! Yippee!

I will be posting the books I read along with a short review of each book. Right now I am reading Middlesex by Jeffery Eugenides. This book has been sitting on my bookshelf for years and for some reason I just never picked it up. So far it is a pretty good read!

Here are some of my favorite books in no particular order…I say no particular order, but Lonesome Dove is my all time favorite book and Pillars of the Earth is a very close second.

Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory
Fall on Your Knees by Ann Marie MacDonald
One Thousand White Women: The Journals of May Dodd by Jim Fergus
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
The Diary of Mattie Spenser by Sandra Dallas
One Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
The Reader by Bernhard Schlink
The House of Gentlemen by Kathy Hepinstall
The Absence of Nectar by Kathy Hepinstall
These is My Words by Nancy Turner
Slammerkin by Emma Donoghue
Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood
The Pilot’s Wife by Anita Shreve
Drowning Ruth by Christina Schwartz
The Mermaid’s Singing by Lisa Carey
In the Country of the Young by Lisa Carey
Snowflower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
Fair and Tender Ladies by Lee Smith
The Dress Lodger by Sheri Holman
Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Saije
Birth of Venus by Sarah Dunant
The Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult – actually any book by her.
Cider House Rules by John Irving
The Color Purple by Alice Walker

Today's Resolution

I might as well start with the most popular! Get into shape/lose weight. This has to be the most common New Years Resolution for women in the United States. Every year I say this is the year to get into shape and shed some pounds. I can’t control if I lose weight, but I can get into better shape.

My plan is to walk every day - weather permitting, do some Piyo and use the Bowflex at least 3 times a week.

In the past I would start an exercise program and then stop because I didn’t see any visible change to my body. I need to stop worrying about my appearance and start worrying about how I feel. I may never be thin again, but I can be in much better shape.

Oh who am I kidding?!?! Here’s to a smaller buttock - buttocks – whatever - in 08!

Happy New Year!

This year I am making a formal New Year’s Resolution.

Every year I say I am going to do different things, but this year I am making a list and New Year's Eve 2008 I will see what all I have accomplished.

Hanging near the top of my New Year’s Resolutions is starting a blog. It is not #1, but I would say it is in the top 10. I hope this blog will help me keep my commitment to having a better year in 2008.

I will be posting some of my New Year’s Resolution in no particular order. I am *not* sharing every resolution with you people. A girl has to have some privacy!